Airport Security Made Easy

Here at Solutions Unlimited, we’re just like the rest of you. Only much smarter and full of forward-thinking ideas that will revolutionize the universe.

But we do share at least one thing with most of the unwashed masses out there: we hate the dog and pony show that is airport security. Between taking off your shoes, assuming the position for the body scanner, and being yelled at for forgetting to take your Ziploc bag of liquids out of your carry-on, it’s just a really unpleasant experience.

We have a few ideas on how to not only streamline the process, but make flying much more secure.

We think it’s really simple, actually. First, no more carry-on bags. X-raying bags just slows down the process, and is there really a ton of stuff in that bag that you can’t live without for a few hours? We didn’t think so. The only thing you’d be allowed to bring past security is a cell phone All bags would go through their current security and inspection process, but airlines would be required to allow each passenger to check one bag for free in lieu of carry-on baggage, though the process for checking a bag will need to be changed. Why will be readily apparent later in this post.

Which brings us to the screening process itself. Under our plan, the screening process will begin the moment you walk ino the airport. As you walk into the airport, you will be issued a number. When that number is called, you will be given a changing room to enter.In that room, you will be required to strip naked and pack all of your belongings, with the exception of your cell phone, in your checked bag. Once everything is packed, your bag will be left in the changing room for an airline official to gather and check for you.

You will move into your own private screening room, wherein you will either walk through a metal detector or body scanning machine.  Once you clear that portion, you will move to a third private room.

In the third room, you will be able to select a set of scrubs to wear during your flight.

Once you reach your destination and claim your luggage, you will be able to access another changing room where you can change back into your normal clothing and turn in your scrubs to be laundered and re-used.

We realize that these new procedures may seem extreme at first, but we believe that you will find that it really does make the whole experience better.

How to make political debates better

Here at Solutions Unlimited, we’re all about making things better. From the mundane to the mission-critical, no aspect of life is too small for us.

That being said, the first of the Republican debates was just held, and we found the whole experience needs a lot of work. Nothing against Fox News, we just find the whole political debate process in general infuriating and believe that it can be made better with just a few tweaks.

We realize that these suggestions may not be popular, especially with those participating in the debates, but we believe that they will result in a more open and honest debate and a more informed electorate.

One of the worst things about debates is how frequently the candidates will avoid a question. Avoiding questions in debates does little more than insult the intelligence of the electorate, who we believe mostly just wants to hear the candidates say what they think on the issues.

What we propose is an independent panel of three judges at each debate whose sole job is to determine if the candidate actually answered the question that they were asked. After a candidate finishes his response to a question, the panel will vote on if they believe the candidate answered the question. If two of the three in the panel feel that the candidate tried to duck the question, a buzzer will sound and the candidate will be delivered a small electrical shock, similar to a dog wearing a bark collar.

The “shock collar” idea also would allow for candidates to receive jolts for other reasons, such as talking over another candidate or running over their allotted time to answer a question, allowing debate moderators to maintain control of the debate at all times.

Another proposal of ours would only apply to early debates in the primary seasons in which you have a large contingent of candidates such as in the GOP debate we just witnessed. For these, we would create a large panel of, say, 200 undecided voters and put them in a room where they can watch the entire debate. Near the end of the debate, the contingent of undecided voters will choose, in their opinion, the two worst candidates. Similar to a reality television show, the bottom two candidates will be able to plead their case one last time to our group of voters, who will then choose which candidate of the two that they prefer. The candidate who receives the least amount of votes will be “voted off the island” and will be removed from consideration in the race.

We believe that these ideas will streamline the debate process and make it more enjoyable for everybody, except for maybe candidates who love to avoid questions or who can’t manage their time.